There is something wrong about buying Miley Cyrus things late at night

I saw the weirdest person ever on Friday night.

I know that an awful lot of the general population out there are certifiable nutjobs. I'm sure that I'm probably one of them. But on Friday I managed to see the person who is quite possibly the freakiest one out there.

I didn't really want to spend any money on Friday as I had a pricey one planned for Saturday, so I just trundled round to my buddy's place to chill out, play some video games and the like. Come midnight, the inevitable trip to a Supermarket took place.

I must confess, if I have to go shopping I do go late at night. I hate everything to do with supermarkets during the daytime. I hate the traffic to even get in the car park. I hate driving around for 10 minutes until you end up parking in a part of the car park that must be in another post code. I hate walking all the way to the front door past dozens of now empty spaces. I hate all the people in there. I hate queing to pay. I hate then having to lug it all back to my car and I hate that at least one item will go off while I'm stuck in traffic on the way back home.

At night, you can get in and out inside 10 minutes flat. It is brilliant. Except, you don't half get some right weirdos. In a way it is just downright hilarious, and in others you really do fear for the human race.

Although this time I wasn't doing the full midnight shop, I still went through enough of the shop to see some of the wack jobs. One, though, took the cake.

I was thumbing through some Xbox games with my mate, as one oft does at midnight, when this guy dressed all in black wandered into the section. He looked a little bit like a sleazy Michael McIntyre, and had the full long black coat, black suit, black shoes and black shirt and tie job going on. He then proceeded to buy a fistful of Hannah Montana (aka everyone's favourite jailbait Miley Cyrus) CD's and wander off.

This creeped me the hell out. I know that there is probably something a psychiatrist could read into about me looking for cheap video games in a supermarket at midnight, but someone who looks like they want to be a hitman in a gangster movie buying products aimed at 12 year olds must take the biscuit.

Now, for a gratuitous picture and we are done...

Tony Blair Reveals Self Doubt On Eve Of Iraq War

(This is a piece which unfortunately was not deemed newsworthy enough to make The Daily Hubbub, however another piece of mine was. Check it out!)

Blair's Self Doubt On War Eve Revealed

One of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair's closest aides has revealed that on what turned out to be the eve of the invasion of Iraq, the former Premier had suffered from serious doubts over his bedroom performance with 'wife' Cherie.

Foreign Office official and noted sex therapy author Sir William Ehrman has revealed to the inquiry being held to investigate Blair's bedroom shenanigans that the then PM used to feel terrible fear and inadequacy before he crossed the threshold.

“Oh yeah, the guy used to have some serious hang ups about his performance,” said Sir William after the inquiry chairperson bought him his third pint.

“He used to worry that this big Scottish idiot was trying to push him down flights of stairs, that his special friend George was bigger and better than him and, well, have you seen what he had to go upstairs to?”

“So I asked him what had changed since he was able to fertilise his 'wife' with alarming regularity.”

Mr Blair, who was little more than an unemployed musician before being adopted by the Labour Party, revealed that he had always thrived on the confidence that only street urchin musicians held.

“So I said to him, what is better for building up your self confidence than picking on a smaller person who doesn't really deserve it? I thought he was just going to try to gag Ian Hislop, but it turns out he took it a bit far,” added Sir William.

“I mean, I'm sure invading Iraq was one hell of an aphrodisiac intelligence shows that egging the Lib Dem headquarters would have had the same effect.”

“Now,” finished Sir William after swapping from pints to shorts, “for a golden egg and large black pudding, I'll show you what really happened that weekend at Balmoral.”

Defending The Diva

In a very backwards way, I think I'm about to try to start defending diva-ish behaviour. I know, I know...

Some diva behaviour is a tad extreme. Assuming that The Sun tells absolutely no lies whatsoever in any way, shape or form then when Mariah Carey went on This Morning the other day, it was bedlam. Amongst the highlights of her appearance were the fact that she had an entourage larger than the crew that made the show and had someone walk backwards in front of her with their arms outstretched to catch her in case she tripped. You really do have to be a special blend of bat shit crazy to achieve that.

Oh, and while we are on the subject of Mariah, I heard a rumour about her. As it was a rumour that I can't even remember the source, of must be true as well. This rumour goes that during the inauguration of President Barak Obama, Carey through a huge strop when she found out that she would only be sat with the other VIPs at the event. Turns out, when she was invited as a special guest she thought that she would be sat up on the stage practically holding Obama's hand as he made his pledge.

Anyway, that sort of diva behaviour is simply ridiculous. No matter how big, famous and important you are there is never a justification to have the air temperature in a venue altered to be exactly what you demand it to be. There is no clause that says you cannot go on stage unless all of the lime Wine Gum's are taken out back and shot. Basically, there is no excuse for demanding a service before you perform which is either the metaphorical or literal interpenetration of getting the person in charge to clean your behind for you.

However, with all the over the top tomfoolery of stereotypical requests like a bowl of M'n'Ms with all the blue ones removed or a hooker without an STD aside, there is some merit in wanting this stuff.

At the end of the day, the sole purpose of anyone working in a creative performance job, where the product you put out there is purely there for the enjoyment of the audience, is to stick out a piece of work that the paying punters enjoy. And to do that, you have to have a happy little performer who is pleased as punch to be there. Having a grouchy little bee-hatch is just not good for business.

I will admit that for the last few days, I have not written a single solitary word. This has annoyed a few editors no end, but I don't care. I just haven't been in the mood. I won't bore you with the details, but I've spent most of the last few days in the foetal position feeling a little sorry for myself.  Today I woke up and the sun seemed a little brighter. So, I'm writing.

I suppose the point of all of this rambling goes thusly – Although a lot of the demands that some celebrities and certain 'divas' put in are highly unnecessary, there is a point to it all. It is whatever they need to perform at their best. Like it or lump it, I'm sure anyone who is parting with their hard earned cash to see them would rather know that the performer had all of their needs pampered and would put on a belting show than not be fed their duck egg omelette and have the right hump.

That is my case, your honour. It may not be the best, and is definitely very one sided, but it's all I got. The defence rests.

Handball Havoc

In a very backwards way, I think that Thierry Henry's hand ball against Ireland might be good for the sport. I know, I know... hear me out.

When it first happened, I was one of the millions who were baying for the French teams blood, screaming that it should be replayed and that Henry deserved to be hung, drawn and quartered. I crossed my fingers and hoped that FIFA would grant it, but no. They stuck by the actual laws of the game, didn't give in to pressure and France are off to South Africa while Irishmen around the globe cheer whoever are playing them.

After giving it a few days and allowing the knee jerk reaction to lull, I suppose that the decision was correct. It wasn't a full technical error, such as in the match with Uzbekistan and Bahrain where the ref gave a free kick instead of allowing a penalty to be retaken. It was human error. You cannot replay games based on human error, now matter how blazingly obvious and catastrophic it may be.

Although football fans around the world like to vilify refs as sub-human robots, they are normal people. They make mistakes. We have all made a big old cock up at some point or another. Last year I changed the radio station and in the two seconds I looked away from the road, drove up the back of a really nice BMW. That was a catastrophic cock up.

But you know what isn't human? Video replay technology. These days in football, you just can't rely on humans to make these massive decisions. You cannot. There is too much at stake financially. Plus, the refs take a massive bashing these days. It would be good to take some heat off of them.

The neigh sayers always bleat on about how it would disrupt the game, about how playing the ref is a part of it and how it would be too radical. But, of course, I know how it can be done

Do it like the NHL. They don't have a replay system like in Rugby or Cricket where it is all in house as, like it would in football, it would be used too rarely to justify such expense. They have a 'War Room' at NHL headquarters. A ref phones it in, confirms the play to be reviewed, they look at it and give the response. In football, unless you want to start a clock-stopping type protocol, you could just give the referees 90 seconds to overturn a decision, adding 90 seconds on extra time.

At least that is how I'd do it. Then a lot of the human errors in football would hopefully disappear.

No post today. Sorry about that....

....it's just that I've been cursed with having to do some real, paid work. Have a funny picture and I'll see you Sunday.

I want a Lego Death Star

I want to be able to play with Lego again. I don't care if it is hugely age inappropriate, I don't care if it is a little bit serial killer-ish and I don't care if it makes me a geek. I want some to play with.

I was shopping with one of my friends the other week and we had to make a bee line in to a toy store as it was her six year old God Daughter's birthday the week after. Now I am a rubbish shopper and when asked 'What about this?' in relation to various pink and sparkly things, I just sort of shrugged and muttered whatever response I deemed most appropriate and shuffled around.

However, when we ended up in the Lego department after some significant meanderings through the store, I was spellbound. As I said, I don't care if it is a bit sad, I think Lego is the single coolest toy in the history of ever. And that got me thinking a little bit.

I didn't really want anything for Xmas. I know that usually Christmas is a good time of year to try to secure that one thing that you want but just flat out won't buy for yourself, but I don't care. I've been living my dream since earlier this year when I gave up on a rubbish job market to chase a stupid pipe dream, and at the risk of sounding sappy and slightly emo, have awesome friends and family who have supported me. I thought that was enough, and that was all I wanted for Christmas.

Then after all of this, I realised I really want the Lego Death Star. Screw nice friends and family, how geek-chic would it be to have a massive Lego Death Star in your room? I mean, it would just rule. Plus I have enough guitars up there that I don't think it would be a deal breaker.

So that is what I want for Christmas. If anyone wants to buy it for me, I won't complain.

14 Hours Of Sport Recap

Right, so here is the lo-down. For roughly some 16 hours I watched sport on Saturday. And I recorded some running thoughts as the day and the beer progressed. Here they are. Imagine this like a Twitter feed, except I've blogged it as I have like one follower and I think they are just some Eastern European porn site spambot.

Here are my thoughts from throughout the day. If you like, I'll do another on an NFL Sunday.

2:35pm – Is it me or are England just not very good at rugby any more? Well we are but we are just the worst good team ever.

2:37pm – Oh Cueto... if only you weren't so fumbly.

2:57pm – Lewis Moody is playing like his sex is on fire and tackling the Argies is the only relief he can get.

3:41pm – What happened to smash mouth England rugby? Maybe we should try to find out seeing as out kicking game is absolutely rubbish...

4:00pm – So where has THAT form been all day!? What a try

4:24pm – Bit of culture on the Rugby – Ludivicio Enaudi on the outro music. Yes, I know I spelt his name wrong. Sue me.

4:34pm – I can tell you now that the Sky interview man nearly got mauled to death by Martin Johnson

4:58pm – Well, that was the rugby.  Now on to the football. Let's watch Brazil sacrifice England's second stringers.

5:00pm – Hmm, probably should save this doc at some point. Nice little tribute to Robert Enke, the German keeper who committed suicide at the weekend pre game.

5:13pm – An England defensive mistake!? I don't believe it...

5:35pm – Pretty impressed with the atmosphere in the Qatar stadium. Also, my backside hurts after being sat in the same spot. Only about 12 hours to go... yay...

5:38pm – Good continuity by the ref. He didn't give Brazil a blatant free kick on the edge of the area and just denied England.

6:17pm – Good old England and their defensive cock ups. Good old Brazil and their inability to score penalties.

6:34pm – England look properly rubbish up front. Rooney is getting no service and they don't have a big guy to lob the ball at.

6:50pm – I'm not calling the match boring, but I'm looking at cars, video games and holidays.

7:08pm – Ahh, a small break from my sporting schedule. UFC 105 is up next at 8. Although for some reason, I'm watching Merlin. This concerns me.

8:01pm – Merlin was actually quite good. Luckily, I can rebalance the man-karma by now watching UFC. I really wish they would change their tacky intro video though.

8:02pm – Did Mike Goldberg just say 'beautiful  Manchester, England'?

8:05pm – There is something childishly hilarious about the fighters who have 'Condom Depot' on the backside portion of their shorts.

8:08pm – First beer of the night. I am willing to bet it will be nowhere near the last.

8:22pm – Dominating fight by Pearson here. Would be good to see if he can get a KO and go to ground at least once.

8:24pm – Bloody win by TKO for Ross Pearson. That isn't a posh swear word, Riley is bloodied heavily as the doc stops the match.

8:29pm – I love the Twingo advert where the mother is just so glad that her daughter got a job, she doesn't mind that it is as a whore. Sort of actually sums up the modern working climate.

8:32pm – Dammit America! Leicester is pronounced Less-ter not Lie-chester!

8:39pm – One of the fighters has a mouse under their eye. That must be uncomfortable and a bit of a distraction. Oh, it's now a bad mouse. Very bad mouse. Joe Rogan is very worried about it.

8:51pm – I really think that France may not make it past the Republic of Ireland here. Also, Greece have to go to the Ukraine and win to get through. That is unlikely at best.

8:52pm – Really good fight with Matt Brown picking up the W. The bad mouse, who I just learned has recently finished a 3 year stretch in the hole, clearly was on his team.

9:04pm – Apparently, the UFC might contain scenes that some viewers could find disturbing. I know – Joe Rogan only has light stubble, not the full manly beard!

9:10pm – Bisping comes out to Song 2 by Blur. Whenever I hear that song, I just think about FIFA 1998

9:24pm – Atta Boy Bisping! Great come back for the win.

9:44pm – How much product must Dan Hardy use to keep his hair maintained throughout a fight?

9:45pm – Dan Hardy just got kicked in the nuuuuuuts

9:58pm – Is Joe Rogan slurring into a bad British accent at times?

10:16pm – Main event time in the UFC. All of this is being eclipsed by the prospect of Pacman vs Cotto. No matter how good UFC gets, boxing will always be better.

10:29pm – Randy is still a good fighter, I mean he could beat 7 shades of crap out of me, but he just seems to be lacking a little something at the moment. I think his age his finally catching up to him.

10:32pm – And as I said that, he is having the round of the night against Vera.

10:38pm – Not 100% sure on that unanimous decision for Randy. But I think he did win 2-1 round wise. Then again, I rarely guess UFC score cards.

10:40pm – Joe Rogan and Brandon Vera both slag of the judges for that decision without saying it. There is something about the scorecard decisions in a lot of these fights that stink a bit. Quite often they are very shocking. And in a monopoly MMA company that is completely self regulating, it is going to start hurting the company and industry soon. I mean, you can bet on this shit and the judges often seem to have a mind unto themselves. Little bit odd.

10:43pm – I am stopping gambling for the day now. At the start of the day my bankroll was $250. I'm down $100. That is bad times. I've forgotten what a tournament cash or cash table double up feels like.

10:47pm – Just flicked over to the replay of the Haye vs Valuev fight. I never watched it live as I was in London at the time. I also never realised just how quick Haye was.

11:00pm – With the joy of hindsight, I know that Haye won. But the commentators weren't half pessimistic on the night.

11:35pm – First bit of promo came on for the fight tonight. I cannot wait.

00:03am – Not much on the sporting front at the moment. The Haye vs Valuev undercard is whetting my appetite nicely though.

00:26am – Wohoo, live bobsleigh!

00:55pm – As if knowing what is to come in a few hours, ESPN is showing an old Ali fight

1:59am – FINALLY, now we only have to wait for the undercard and it's show time.

2:28am – Why are under card fights so bad? At the moment this is just a contest to see who will either bleed to death or get DQed for ball smacking.

2:48am – I'm sure these prelim fights are good, but I'm just a tad too excited for the main event. A bit like the way a support band is often ace at a concert, but people don't care. Also, I've now moved back to the original position I was in earlier after a brief few hour sojourn to my office. And I've run out of beer. Boo!

2:54am – How the heck can a World Champ only defend his title once a year for 4 years? Also, I found rum. Yay!

3:00am – Looks like Mr. I'm Too Important To Defend My Title is getting his ass handed to him, Hazzar! Also, all the pro's are backing Cotto. He is a beast, but I think Pacquiao will do it. Did I spell his name right?

3:04am – Boxing is the only sport in the world where a guy more cut than 90% of the population is described as a bit 'soft around the middle'.

3:16am – Cotto's boys are watching Pacman get his hands taped. Antonio Margarito, the person who had put the one blemish on Cotto's otherwise perfect professional record, was suspended for illegally wrapping his hands. Apparently, the amount of tape Margarito used equated to having two cinder blocks on his fists. Cotto are making sure Pacman's camp aren't up to any such shennanigans.

3:23am – Daniel Santos is currently being beaten up by a rabbi. True story.

3:28am – I've just realised that I haven't tended to my aquarium today. Poor fish.

3:48am – Chavez Jr isn't old enough to be out this late, never mind be a pro boxer.

3:52am – Why do people always randomly whistle at boxing events...

4:02am – This fight was meant to be a gimmie for Chavez Jr. He is currently behind...

4:03am – I've also resorted to chain smoking to stay awake. Bad times. Not as bad as my buddy, who has resorted to smoking weed to build up for a game. Because we all know that smoking weed makes you be able to stay up late.

4:12am – No, the crowd aren't getting bored of this fight per se. It's more along the lines of 'GIVE US THE MAIN EVENT NOW YOU BASTARDS!'

4:14am – Chavez wouldn't just get bullied by John Duddy. He would get raped. Also, 41 fights at age 23? Bloody hell...

4:23am – I refuse to believe Nicky Piper was ever a boxer. A geography teacher maybe, but not a boxer.

4:29am – Is it weird that I'm not sold on Pacquiao? I mean he beat an old and obviously ill De La Hoya and ripped through a Hatton who was completely undone by a rubbish training camp. Where as Cotto is a beast at this weight who has only lost once, and that may have been due to the illegal hand wrapping we discussed earlier.

4:39am – Out comes Pacquiao, and I reckon already I've spelt his name 4 different ways.

4:48am – Here we go... Cagey stuff from both, but so far Cotto has the edge.

4:50am – First round Cotto I'd say. You can feel the atmosphere bubbling.

4:54am – Round two Pacquiao. For a minute it was close, but in the end Cotto made some mistakes and the Pacman absolutely ravaged each and every one of them.

4:56am – Cotto went down. Not in a major way, but his gloves hit the canvas to steady himself, and that is all you need. Pacman seems to be shrugging off Cotto's big hits.

4:58am – Got to give that one to Pacquiao as well, along with a nice knockdown. 10-8 to Pacman, making it 29-27 to the little man from the Philippines. Although, Pacman looks cocky just standing there and letting Cotto hit him.

5:02am – A very convincing knockdown on Cotto and he is hurt. That was so nearly Cotto's round too, then the little man let loose and floored him with a huge thwack. Cotto keeps doing well, wearing him down then loosing his head, letting loose and getting caught. 10 – 8 again, so 39 – 35 but I tell you now that the scores will be irrelevant.

5:05 – I think I'm going to give this round to Cotto, although I would not by any stretch begrudge anyone giving it to Pacquiao. Or should I give it to Pacman? Lets give it to Cotto and say 48 – 45

5:10 – That round was Pacquiao all over. He so nearly rocked Cotto a few times. 58-54 on my card. Although, the wee man hasn't looked as lively as before. Maybe all that extra weight is pulling on him. Saying that, Cotto is hurting badly all over. I can see a quiet round or two. Now, watch a KO happen...

5:14am – That round was all Pacman. 68 – 63 and Cotto is either going to get KOed or have his corner stop this mess. I have never seen a more dominant fighter than Pacquiao. He will beat Mayweather Jr at this rate. Easily one of the greatest ever. Easily

5:18am – Cotto cannot win this fight now. His punches are impotent, movement slow and he is just taking a beating. Freddie Roach just said 'next round'. Pull Cotto now and save his skin. 78 – 72. That said, I want this to go the distance so I can see how my score cards are doing. I think I'm a point off but close.

5:22am – 88-81. This is now just uncomfortable to watch. If they don't pull Cotto, then Freddie Roach needs to do the right thing and tell Pacquiao to go easy on him. Same as Calzaghe did against Jones Jr.

5:26am – Another Pacman round making it 98 – 90. Either Pacquiao is taking my advice and going easy on Cotto, knowing his corner won't pull him and having no wish to hurt his fellow boxer or Pacman is hurting. I'm not sure which it is, although I'm willing to bet Pacquiao knows that even Cotto doesn't have enough for one more big punch left in him.

5:30am – The crown begin to boo as the fight winds down. You know, I'm actually giving that round to Cotto. It may have been back foot boxing but he was better I thought. 107 – 100. Final round coming up, and I don't think Pacquiao will inflict the hurt on Cotto with a final KO. On an annoying note, I shunned a £20 bet on Pacman for a points win at 5/1. I'm gutted.

5:32am – The ref steps in and doesn't let the fight have the formality of going to the cards. If he was going to do that any time that Pacquiao looked lively, he could have done it 3 rounds ago. Odd decision, but Cotto was never winning this from round 3 onwards. Apparently Pacquiao has a concert he is playing later tonight. Insanity.

5:33am – I wasn't sold on Pacquiao at welterweight coming into this fight. He had a spar with De La Hoya in the dismantlement of the Mexican legend and he beat an aged Hatton. He has now beaten a dominant fighter in an amazing fashion. He is by far the best fighter on the planet today. If he stepped into an Octagon with no training, he would beat Brock Lesnar. Not really, but right now I'm that sold on him I'd back him for it.

5:35am – That is it, I'm going the fuck to bed. Then I can do it all over again tomorrow for NFL Sunday. I love working freelance!