Unforntunately, the end result is no post today. Have an epic picture and make do. See you Thursday!
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
For my two returning visitors....
....I'm currently away this week. I'm not on a holiday as such, its more like a work camp. I'm staying at my cousin's nursery\orchard type thing while I help him lay some new industrial flower beds. It is all fun and games.
Unforntunately, the end result is no post today. Have an epic picture and make do. See you Thursday!
Unforntunately, the end result is no post today. Have an epic picture and make do. See you Thursday!
Sunday, 25 October 2009
NFL in the UK
Well, today the NFL is playing at Wembley. As I type this I'm watching that game on the telly while keeping track of the Vikings vs Steelers on Game Pass. I'm a little bit of a huge fan. I do feel guilty not being at Wembley, like as a fan I have some obligation that I have to go, but frankly I have no desire to watch Tampa struggle to get anything going while the Patriots get a nice lead then kill the clock for three quarters. Oh, and having to pay £160 for the pleasure. A probable £250 Sunday late in the month just before Christmas isn't cool.
Oh look, Tampa just threw an interception. That was totally unexpected...
Anyway, even though I'm not there I do love the NFL. But there appears to be a bit of anti-NFL in the UK feeling out there. Chris Chase wrote a pretty scathing piece, and a lot of the commentators in absolutely any US based NFL blog have been very against the whole thing. I'm all for it. I get rather excited when Roger Goodell gets chatting about adding another game or maybe even a Franchise.
But there is a little something that I would like to see before we get all of that stuff. It's a very basic thing. That is some decent TV coverage.
You see, for those who don't know the TV coverage for NFL over here has taken a major nose dive. Coming into last season, we had a full compliment of magazine shows and 6 games a week live on the telly box. This year, we have magazine shows shown so long after the games that they are irrelevant, the same re-runs of NFL documentaries that have been on Sky for the last 2 years and only 3 live games a week. Next year, under the terms of the current contracts, it will drop to 2 as Five is scrapping all late night sports to show a television casino type thing.
I doubt that the NFL will ever do it, but if they truly want to grow the game then they should consider maybe subsidising TV contracts to boost the number of games back up to a realistic full compliment of 6per week. Maybe they could try providing edited versions of their TV magazine shows for international markets, as they are currently so full of advertising they can't be shown until 5 days after the events.
I can see where the NFL is going with their expansion plans. See if the UK market can support 4 games a year, then maybe give them a franchise. But please, please can we sort out the basics first?
Oh look, Tampa just threw an interception. That was totally unexpected...
Anyway, even though I'm not there I do love the NFL. But there appears to be a bit of anti-NFL in the UK feeling out there. Chris Chase wrote a pretty scathing piece, and a lot of the commentators in absolutely any US based NFL blog have been very against the whole thing. I'm all for it. I get rather excited when Roger Goodell gets chatting about adding another game or maybe even a Franchise.
But there is a little something that I would like to see before we get all of that stuff. It's a very basic thing. That is some decent TV coverage.
You see, for those who don't know the TV coverage for NFL over here has taken a major nose dive. Coming into last season, we had a full compliment of magazine shows and 6 games a week live on the telly box. This year, we have magazine shows shown so long after the games that they are irrelevant, the same re-runs of NFL documentaries that have been on Sky for the last 2 years and only 3 live games a week. Next year, under the terms of the current contracts, it will drop to 2 as Five is scrapping all late night sports to show a television casino type thing.
I doubt that the NFL will ever do it, but if they truly want to grow the game then they should consider maybe subsidising TV contracts to boost the number of games back up to a realistic full compliment of 6per week. Maybe they could try providing edited versions of their TV magazine shows for international markets, as they are currently so full of advertising they can't be shown until 5 days after the events.
I can see where the NFL is going with their expansion plans. See if the UK market can support 4 games a year, then maybe give them a franchise. But please, please can we sort out the basics first?
Thursday, 22 October 2009
BNP on Question Time
Now, who thinks that I can get through an entire article on such a delicate and polarising subject without either committing libel, insulting someone or writing something stupid that will come back to haunt me? Yeah, me neither. This is also going to be one of those wordy, serious bits. Sorry about that.
Tonight the British National Party is on Question Time.
For any non-British people reading this, the British National Party are essentially anti-immigration, anti-anything-not-typically-British sorts who want to stop immigration, 'voluntarily' repatriate anyone who is not of white Anglo Saxon descent and turn the entire country into some white supremacy state. Yeah, those sorts.
Lets see if I can write about it without incriminating myself.
For the record, and to start off with, I do not support or like the BNP. They want to live in some deluded, isolated world that is reminiscent of the sort of thing that Enoch Powell dreamt of. I love multiculturalism, I love the fact that so many different types of people live here and I love the way that the UK has been changed by it. We used to own most of the world. Now most of the world is represented inside our shores.
That being said, I do sort of 'agree' with the BNP on certain things. Now, once again, I do not like nor support them. But they do have the odd good point. At times this country does compromise core values for the sake of political correctness. At times, especially when dealing with local government, it does seem that indigenous Brits get a bit of a raw deal. I can understand the frustrations that have bread this party. I feel an awful lot of them at times.
But the BNP is in no way, shape or form the way forward.
Although they have dressed themselves up in recent years to get away from the skin heads and swastikas of their past as the National Front, they still hold the same core values. They have been caught lying about racial murders at support rallys. Nick Griffin, the party leader and public face of the BNP, has been caught calling Islam a “wicked” religion.
They are not the sorts of people you would invite to a dinner party, lets say.
But the problem is that the sentiments they feed off are present in British life. And none of the mainstream parties seem to be willing to confront them, as often if they do people jump up and down and shout “racist!” at them. This has lead to the BNP emerging as a party who not only don't care about courting controversy, but thrive under it. The amount of press attention they get is hugely disproportionate to their actual standing in the political spectrum.
Many British people, myself even at times, feel the frustrations that the BNP claims to want to solve. Simple things, like making St Georges Day a national holiday, stopping the scaling back of Christmas so as not to insult or intimidate people of other religions. At the sight of it, it is a perfectly nice set of policies. But still hidden underneath that are the policies of repatriation and stopping immigration.
In a way, the BNP are good for politics. Once again, I do not like or support them. But they ignite debate over sensitive issues. The only problem is the main parties refuse to deal with them or the issues they raise, meaning that the BNP gain ground.
Tonight, when Nick Griffin sits amongst 'real' politicians and debates, hopefully it will kick start the larger debate. The only way to stamp out the BNP is for mainstream parties to address the same issues as them. The fact that the BNP can get the votes they do on racial issues alone, issues that larger parties mainly shy away from, shows that it is a pressing issue for many.
Once again, I do not like or support them. But I can sort of see where they are coming from. I do not like, support or totally agree with them. I cannot say that enough.
As for the whole debate on whether they should even be allowed on Question Time or not, I think they should be. Like it nor not, they are a party that gets votes, has a Member of European Parliament and a person on the London Assembley (the group that governs this nation's capital). They are represented. Not letting them on is pure censorship of the free media. I would much rather live in a country that lets a party like that exist than censors them. Once again, I'm not a supporter of them by any stretch, I'm just a supporter of democracy and free speech. On the other end of the spectrum, I believe the extremist Muslim group that wants to protest in London for the immediate implementation of Sharia Law should be able to. It is their opinion. If they can voice it in a peaceful way, then go for it. Free speech.
The one repercussion, though, of having Nick Griffin on Question Time is the chance that he actually does a good job, and comes over as sane, logical and normal. The consequences of that...
Anyway. I'll sign off with what I think needs to be done to fix the frustrations and issues that the BNP feeds off of. Because I'm a glutton for punishment.
St Georges Day needs to be made a national holiday. Give everyone the day off work, hold some big events in city centres and the like. Currently, I make more of an effort to go out and have a Guinness on St Patrick's day than I do have an ale on St Georges day.
Also, at the end of the day, this country is by nature a Christian\Catholic\Church of England country. All three celebrate Christmas. Don't scale it back with 'Happy Holidays' and 'Season's Greetings' and the like, while we take the Christ out of it and call it Xmas. Let kids do their nativity play. But, by the same stretch, let kids do a Ramadan or Diwali play. Celebrate all the religions' major events. Immigration needs to be looked at, although my political knowledge is not great enough for me to interject an idea of how.
The BNP are dangerous. Hopefully tonight, though, they will do some good by sparking the debate which brings out the issues they thrive upon. This will allow the major parties to tackle them, hopefully adopt some of the more sane policies that the BNP has used to gain a foothold in British politics and, in doing so, cut their legs out from under them.
Tonight the British National Party is on Question Time.
For any non-British people reading this, the British National Party are essentially anti-immigration, anti-anything-not-typically-British sorts who want to stop immigration, 'voluntarily' repatriate anyone who is not of white Anglo Saxon descent and turn the entire country into some white supremacy state. Yeah, those sorts.
Lets see if I can write about it without incriminating myself.
For the record, and to start off with, I do not support or like the BNP. They want to live in some deluded, isolated world that is reminiscent of the sort of thing that Enoch Powell dreamt of. I love multiculturalism, I love the fact that so many different types of people live here and I love the way that the UK has been changed by it. We used to own most of the world. Now most of the world is represented inside our shores.
That being said, I do sort of 'agree' with the BNP on certain things. Now, once again, I do not like nor support them. But they do have the odd good point. At times this country does compromise core values for the sake of political correctness. At times, especially when dealing with local government, it does seem that indigenous Brits get a bit of a raw deal. I can understand the frustrations that have bread this party. I feel an awful lot of them at times.
But the BNP is in no way, shape or form the way forward.
Although they have dressed themselves up in recent years to get away from the skin heads and swastikas of their past as the National Front, they still hold the same core values. They have been caught lying about racial murders at support rallys. Nick Griffin, the party leader and public face of the BNP, has been caught calling Islam a “wicked” religion.
They are not the sorts of people you would invite to a dinner party, lets say.
But the problem is that the sentiments they feed off are present in British life. And none of the mainstream parties seem to be willing to confront them, as often if they do people jump up and down and shout “racist!” at them. This has lead to the BNP emerging as a party who not only don't care about courting controversy, but thrive under it. The amount of press attention they get is hugely disproportionate to their actual standing in the political spectrum.
Many British people, myself even at times, feel the frustrations that the BNP claims to want to solve. Simple things, like making St Georges Day a national holiday, stopping the scaling back of Christmas so as not to insult or intimidate people of other religions. At the sight of it, it is a perfectly nice set of policies. But still hidden underneath that are the policies of repatriation and stopping immigration.
In a way, the BNP are good for politics. Once again, I do not like or support them. But they ignite debate over sensitive issues. The only problem is the main parties refuse to deal with them or the issues they raise, meaning that the BNP gain ground.
Tonight, when Nick Griffin sits amongst 'real' politicians and debates, hopefully it will kick start the larger debate. The only way to stamp out the BNP is for mainstream parties to address the same issues as them. The fact that the BNP can get the votes they do on racial issues alone, issues that larger parties mainly shy away from, shows that it is a pressing issue for many.
Once again, I do not like or support them. But I can sort of see where they are coming from. I do not like, support or totally agree with them. I cannot say that enough.
As for the whole debate on whether they should even be allowed on Question Time or not, I think they should be. Like it nor not, they are a party that gets votes, has a Member of European Parliament and a person on the London Assembley (the group that governs this nation's capital). They are represented. Not letting them on is pure censorship of the free media. I would much rather live in a country that lets a party like that exist than censors them. Once again, I'm not a supporter of them by any stretch, I'm just a supporter of democracy and free speech. On the other end of the spectrum, I believe the extremist Muslim group that wants to protest in London for the immediate implementation of Sharia Law should be able to. It is their opinion. If they can voice it in a peaceful way, then go for it. Free speech.
The one repercussion, though, of having Nick Griffin on Question Time is the chance that he actually does a good job, and comes over as sane, logical and normal. The consequences of that...
Anyway. I'll sign off with what I think needs to be done to fix the frustrations and issues that the BNP feeds off of. Because I'm a glutton for punishment.
St Georges Day needs to be made a national holiday. Give everyone the day off work, hold some big events in city centres and the like. Currently, I make more of an effort to go out and have a Guinness on St Patrick's day than I do have an ale on St Georges day.
Also, at the end of the day, this country is by nature a Christian\Catholic\Church of England country. All three celebrate Christmas. Don't scale it back with 'Happy Holidays' and 'Season's Greetings' and the like, while we take the Christ out of it and call it Xmas. Let kids do their nativity play. But, by the same stretch, let kids do a Ramadan or Diwali play. Celebrate all the religions' major events. Immigration needs to be looked at, although my political knowledge is not great enough for me to interject an idea of how.
The BNP are dangerous. Hopefully tonight, though, they will do some good by sparking the debate which brings out the issues they thrive upon. This will allow the major parties to tackle them, hopefully adopt some of the more sane policies that the BNP has used to gain a foothold in British politics and, in doing so, cut their legs out from under them.
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Jay Culter Cost Me Money, Logically Leading Into Poker Bad Beats
According to Google Images, this large man is the Chicago Bears' emo kid QB... I call shennanigans
Except Cutler decides to throw two interceptions, one of which was in the red zone. And then Matt Forte decides it will be a whole barrel full of laughs to fumble the ball not once, but twice on consecutive plays in the end zone. All in all, the Bears should have had 3 more touchdowns than they actually did, easily been within 4.5 points of Atlanta and they wouldn't have cost me my entire sports book balance. What is more gutting is that thanks to my own, personal rules, I can't reload it until next month. Gah!
I meant this Jay Cutler all along. I think Google Images had one of it's moments earlier...
As you can tell, I'm a bit of a sore loser when it comes to certain things. But at the end of the day, it is called gambling for a reason. I'm not an expert, I do it recreationally. I never bet on teams I support as heart clouds the judgement, and sometimes do it to add a bit of excitement to games I'm not all that otherwise interested in.
My philosophy is much the same in poker. Every poker player knows the pain and anguish of a bad beat. Whether you have the nuts pre-flop or even going into the river, only to have that one bloody card you did not want to see pop out and give the hand to someone else, it sucks. There is no other way for it. Whether you have to see yourself walking away from a tournament table or paw longingly at where your large stack at a cash table used to be, it just is not fun. But it is poker. The reason the other player as a 5% chance is because, 5 times out of every 100 that you are in that situation, it will go the other way.
This is why I absolutely have bad losers at poker. They are far more prevalent on the interweb than in real life casinos, as real life casinos tend to kick people out if they act like douche bags. They are the people who, if they get beaten from behind, go on and on about it for ages. It may be that I'm neither a semi-pro player nor someone who has aspirations of going pro. I enjoy the game. If I'm having a good run I'll play more, if I'm not I'll stop for a week or two. This is nicely summed up by my SharkScope stats, as after 230 tournaments at the site I use I'm exactly up $3.
However, some people are awful losers. Point in case, on Saturday afternoon I was watching some sport on the telly and playing poker online, a favourite combination of pastimes. I was playing a $5 single table sit and go, which means 10 players each pay $5 plus a little bit that goes to the company and the top 3 get paid winnings, with a top prize of $25. Not exactly world series of poker style, near $10m first place prize cash pools here. There was one guy who was getting very shaken at the table and I thought may be on tilt, meaning he may be making bad decisions. He had raised big pre flop and I thought it was a desperation bet, so I went all in with one of my favourite hands – an ace and a nine of the same suit. He called and had an Ace and a Jack meaning that I was absolutely dominated about 70/30. Needless to say, I hit a 9 and won the hand. He then spent the remainder of the tournament (which I won, go me!) berating me via the little chat box.
I've never got this mentality. Yes, it sucks to lose when you are ahead. It sucks to be a football team that throws away a 2-0 lead. It sucks to be an NFL team that throws away a 3 score advantage. It sucks to be a cricket team that looses a lot of wickets in quick succession. But c'est la vie. It happens. Be the bigger man, tell someone they got lucky (believe me, they will know they got lucky) and fight another day.
For the record, the worst beat I've ever seen was against my mate, and fellow soon to be Ball Soup writer, McGoo. Someone he was up against needed two 5s in a row to win a big hand. He got them. I will allow swearing in situations like that...
Monday, 19 October 2009
Never Gamble On A Sunday, Evidently It Pisses God Off And He Will Spite You
You there!
Yes you, why don't you come over here. I have a proposition for you!
No, no. Don't worry, its nothing like that. Say, you look like a sports fan. Are you?
Excellent. Got a big game coming up? You do! Want to know the 100% guaranteed way for you to win? Let me bet on the opposition.
Seriously. That just about sums up my Sunday. I'm not exactly a proper, huge gambler. I mean, if I bet over £10 then it is a small miracle. I just like to add a bit of excitement to it all. I can give up any time I want to...
But consider the following. Before Jenson Button pulled off the drive of his life to win the F1 World Championship, he was due to start right at the back of the grid amongst people who would probably do their bestest to knock him off the track, while his team mate and championship rival Barichello was right up the front on pole position, in form and in a prime position to take the title to the wire. Rubens was also 10/3 this weekend to win the World Championship. Seeing as he had the upper hand on the track, it would take a series of odd events such as the entire field turning into lemmings on the first lap and a puncture to make sure that he couldn't win the title. Oh, wait....
Look, after the first half Minnesota are up 14-3 to the Ravens. Surely a spread of -13.5 is a glorious idea. This is daylight robbery. The Vikings have looked good all year. Oh, wait...
Look at those silly Oakland Raiders. What with their constantly under 50/0 quaterback rating achieving JaMarcus Russell and general awful play, surely they will not be able to stand up to the Eagles. Oh wait...
Oh well at least we have the Rookie Of The Year contender Mark Sanchez going up against a Bills team which has played like a bunch of accident prone blind chickens all year. It would take something special for them to upset the Jets. Oh wait...
Oh and Seattle, fresh off of a 41-0 rout of the Jags, must be able to upset a stuttering team in the worst division in the NFL. Surely. Oh wait....
But, I would like to say a great big thank you to Tom Brady for at least not leaving me completely out of pocket today, and managing to have the game of your life against the simply awful Titans. Thank you, Handsome Tom. You have redeemed my day.
Although, I bet that Jay Cutler will now squander the winnings I made on you, and put on him and his Bears at +4.5. If he does, expect an angry update on Tuesday...
Yes you, why don't you come over here. I have a proposition for you!
No, no. Don't worry, its nothing like that. Say, you look like a sports fan. Are you?
Excellent. Got a big game coming up? You do! Want to know the 100% guaranteed way for you to win? Let me bet on the opposition.
Seriously. That just about sums up my Sunday. I'm not exactly a proper, huge gambler. I mean, if I bet over £10 then it is a small miracle. I just like to add a bit of excitement to it all. I can give up any time I want to...
But consider the following. Before Jenson Button pulled off the drive of his life to win the F1 World Championship, he was due to start right at the back of the grid amongst people who would probably do their bestest to knock him off the track, while his team mate and championship rival Barichello was right up the front on pole position, in form and in a prime position to take the title to the wire. Rubens was also 10/3 this weekend to win the World Championship. Seeing as he had the upper hand on the track, it would take a series of odd events such as the entire field turning into lemmings on the first lap and a puncture to make sure that he couldn't win the title. Oh, wait....
Look, after the first half Minnesota are up 14-3 to the Ravens. Surely a spread of -13.5 is a glorious idea. This is daylight robbery. The Vikings have looked good all year. Oh, wait...
Look at those silly Oakland Raiders. What with their constantly under 50/0 quaterback rating achieving JaMarcus Russell and general awful play, surely they will not be able to stand up to the Eagles. Oh wait...
Oh well at least we have the Rookie Of The Year contender Mark Sanchez going up against a Bills team which has played like a bunch of accident prone blind chickens all year. It would take something special for them to upset the Jets. Oh wait...
Oh and Seattle, fresh off of a 41-0 rout of the Jags, must be able to upset a stuttering team in the worst division in the NFL. Surely. Oh wait....
But, I would like to say a great big thank you to Tom Brady for at least not leaving me completely out of pocket today, and managing to have the game of your life against the simply awful Titans. Thank you, Handsome Tom. You have redeemed my day.
Thank you Tom. I'll even overlook that Pee Wee Herman thing on your arm...
Although, I bet that Jay Cutler will now squander the winnings I made on you, and put on him and his Bears at +4.5. If he does, expect an angry update on Tuesday...
Thursday, 15 October 2009
The 'Why South Park Is Good For The World' Theory
Another theory today, children. This time as to why South Park is actually good for both comedy, and the world -
I want to worship Eric Cartman as some sort of deity. At the very least, I want to join any form of cult that he may be the leader of and am interested in receiving a newsletter written by him.
I came to this staggering conclusion after watching more South Park than ever. I remember when that show came out and it sort of revolutionised TV a bit. Before South Park, cartoons weren't for grown ups. I mean, The Simpsons has been around for 20 years now and people said that it was a cartoon for grown ups but it isn't really. It is just a sitcom that happens to be a cartoon. When South Park came out, it was aimed at the sorts of grown ups that didn't make sure they were in bed by 10pm to watch the news with a glass of warm milk like The Simpsons. It was aimed towards the sorts of adults who just got back from the bar drunk off their ass.
And it had a cult following amongst the cool kids. When South Park came out I was about 10. I became aware of it a few years later, when the cool kids in my class had borrowed the VHS tapes from their older brothers or caught it because they were (*gasp!*) allowed a TV in their room. Since then the series has continued to go from strength to strength, and so has my love for it.
The proof that South Park can be a cartoon aimed strictly at adults (well, college students and grown ups with cool jobs like graphic designers, web designers, musicians, etc.) also opened the door for people like Seth McFarlane and his troup of shows (American Dad, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show), Seth Green (Robot Chicken) and other stuff. Adult Swim would not exist without South Park.
But also, I just love the South Park philosophy on humour.
“Either everything is okay, or nothing is”
It was best summed up in the episodes where they wanted to show an image of Muhammad after the Danish cartoon which caused so much uproar. They argued that either then should be no boundries as to what they could show, or they shouldn't bother. The image was, of course, censored and of course the show carried on, but I like their theory on it. If Muslim's can demand an episode be pulled as they find it is offensive, then anyone who finds an episode offensive can have it pulled.
Same with the episode they wrote bashing Scientology. Even though it cost them Isaac Hayes as the voice of Chef, they made the completely valid point that Hayes never complained when they ripped on other religions. It is a mathematical impossibility to count the amount of anti-jew jokes that Cartman spews forth with. And Hayes had no issue with that. But when it is his beliefs, all of a sudden it isn't okay? So they let him walk.
Because of this, I worship South Park. Although, I'm wondering if I really do love the show or if I'm only writing this because I've spent all day with a South Park JTV stream on while I did other work. No, I'm sure it's my own thoughts. They must be.
*twitch*
Yes, they must be....
I want to worship Eric Cartman as some sort of deity. At the very least, I want to join any form of cult that he may be the leader of and am interested in receiving a newsletter written by him.
I came to this staggering conclusion after watching more South Park than ever. I remember when that show came out and it sort of revolutionised TV a bit. Before South Park, cartoons weren't for grown ups. I mean, The Simpsons has been around for 20 years now and people said that it was a cartoon for grown ups but it isn't really. It is just a sitcom that happens to be a cartoon. When South Park came out, it was aimed at the sorts of grown ups that didn't make sure they were in bed by 10pm to watch the news with a glass of warm milk like The Simpsons. It was aimed towards the sorts of adults who just got back from the bar drunk off their ass.
And it had a cult following amongst the cool kids. When South Park came out I was about 10. I became aware of it a few years later, when the cool kids in my class had borrowed the VHS tapes from their older brothers or caught it because they were (*gasp!*) allowed a TV in their room. Since then the series has continued to go from strength to strength, and so has my love for it.
The proof that South Park can be a cartoon aimed strictly at adults (well, college students and grown ups with cool jobs like graphic designers, web designers, musicians, etc.) also opened the door for people like Seth McFarlane and his troup of shows (American Dad, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show), Seth Green (Robot Chicken) and other stuff. Adult Swim would not exist without South Park.
But also, I just love the South Park philosophy on humour.
“Either everything is okay, or nothing is”
It was best summed up in the episodes where they wanted to show an image of Muhammad after the Danish cartoon which caused so much uproar. They argued that either then should be no boundries as to what they could show, or they shouldn't bother. The image was, of course, censored and of course the show carried on, but I like their theory on it. If Muslim's can demand an episode be pulled as they find it is offensive, then anyone who finds an episode offensive can have it pulled.
Same with the episode they wrote bashing Scientology. Even though it cost them Isaac Hayes as the voice of Chef, they made the completely valid point that Hayes never complained when they ripped on other religions. It is a mathematical impossibility to count the amount of anti-jew jokes that Cartman spews forth with. And Hayes had no issue with that. But when it is his beliefs, all of a sudden it isn't okay? So they let him walk.
Because of this, I worship South Park. Although, I'm wondering if I really do love the show or if I'm only writing this because I've spent all day with a South Park JTV stream on while I did other work. No, I'm sure it's my own thoughts. They must be.
*twitch*
Yes, they must be....
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
The Motorway Schoolroom Regression Theory
I have a theory. I have countless theories, and most of them are widely discredited before they so much as pass out of my mouth. However, I think this one is a winner. I call it the Motorway Schoolroom Regression Theory. See that, I know big words. Anyway, my theory goes like this...
I'm a bit posh, so there were only ever 3 rows of chairs in the classrooms I was in. Sometimes there were even less, and in one of my A level classes there were only 3 people. Anyway, I digress already. Lets assume that the average classroom has just 3 rows of chairs. Motorways also mostly only have 3 lanes, and I think that the lane people drive in directly correlates with where they sat in school.
We all know the sort of people who sat in the front, middle and back rows. The front row sitters were the kids who we all either gave a hard time to in school, or at least didn't exactly protest when people gave them a hard time. They were the really smart kids, who at the time we gave a bit of stick to but, frankly, with the glory that is hindsight, we now wish we worked as hard as. The middle row people were the sorts of people who were, if you will excuse the absolutely horrendous pun, very middle of the road. Average students, average people and just average. They didn't want to sit up front as they would be bullied by the back row kids, but were too afraid of the back row to sit there. So they just sat in the middle.
And, as we all know, back row kids were the sorts who sharpened up their Stanley knives and spat a lot before going down the alley at break time to smoke and chat to their mate who was about 10 years older but had nothing better to do than park up his pimped out Corsa or Punto and hang around with school boys.
And as anyone who has ever dared venture onto a motorway knows, the three lanes all have their own type of driver. The inside lane is for slow people and lorries, the middle lane is for people who are just as slow as the inside lane but are too self concious to sit there and the fast lane is for twats in German cars with an over inflated sense of self importance.
If you can't see the correlation already, then I wonder how you can get out of bed without falling down.
The classroom front row sitters are the sorts who drive on the inside lane, either through needing to be there to work or not having the testosterone needed to venture forth. The middle of the roaders sit in the middle lane because, much like their school days, they are too self concious to sit in the inside lane. And the outside lane is full of the sorts of folk who gave up literal stabbing for a back stabbing boys club business mentality. They are probably estate agents or salesman, or another profession that cocks like to take up that doesn't require too much brain power.
There are of course exceptions, like any rule. Like the kids who sat up front, but grew up to be bankers and therefore developed an immediate twatishness about them and sit in the fast lane in German cars. And, of course, some of the Neanderthals who sat in the back row now probably drive lorries. Or National Express coaches, which terrorise the M4 and M40 and are the only buses who I've ever seen in the fast lane. Seriously, if you ever see one get the hell off the motorway and hide.
Anyway, that is my theory. It can even be translated as to where people sat on the school bus. Try it – I bet if you ask someone in the sales department at work where they sat then they will say in the front row, and they drive in the fast lane. I also bet if you ask your IT Department, they will say screw you and break into your PC, changing the desktop wallpaper to a photoshop of the boss. Because geeks rule.
See ya'll Thursday!
I'm a bit posh, so there were only ever 3 rows of chairs in the classrooms I was in. Sometimes there were even less, and in one of my A level classes there were only 3 people. Anyway, I digress already. Lets assume that the average classroom has just 3 rows of chairs. Motorways also mostly only have 3 lanes, and I think that the lane people drive in directly correlates with where they sat in school.
We all know the sort of people who sat in the front, middle and back rows. The front row sitters were the kids who we all either gave a hard time to in school, or at least didn't exactly protest when people gave them a hard time. They were the really smart kids, who at the time we gave a bit of stick to but, frankly, with the glory that is hindsight, we now wish we worked as hard as. The middle row people were the sorts of people who were, if you will excuse the absolutely horrendous pun, very middle of the road. Average students, average people and just average. They didn't want to sit up front as they would be bullied by the back row kids, but were too afraid of the back row to sit there. So they just sat in the middle.
And, as we all know, back row kids were the sorts who sharpened up their Stanley knives and spat a lot before going down the alley at break time to smoke and chat to their mate who was about 10 years older but had nothing better to do than park up his pimped out Corsa or Punto and hang around with school boys.
And as anyone who has ever dared venture onto a motorway knows, the three lanes all have their own type of driver. The inside lane is for slow people and lorries, the middle lane is for people who are just as slow as the inside lane but are too self concious to sit there and the fast lane is for twats in German cars with an over inflated sense of self importance.
If you can't see the correlation already, then I wonder how you can get out of bed without falling down.
The classroom front row sitters are the sorts who drive on the inside lane, either through needing to be there to work or not having the testosterone needed to venture forth. The middle of the roaders sit in the middle lane because, much like their school days, they are too self concious to sit in the inside lane. And the outside lane is full of the sorts of folk who gave up literal stabbing for a back stabbing boys club business mentality. They are probably estate agents or salesman, or another profession that cocks like to take up that doesn't require too much brain power.
There are of course exceptions, like any rule. Like the kids who sat up front, but grew up to be bankers and therefore developed an immediate twatishness about them and sit in the fast lane in German cars. And, of course, some of the Neanderthals who sat in the back row now probably drive lorries. Or National Express coaches, which terrorise the M4 and M40 and are the only buses who I've ever seen in the fast lane. Seriously, if you ever see one get the hell off the motorway and hide.
Anyway, that is my theory. It can even be translated as to where people sat on the school bus. Try it – I bet if you ask someone in the sales department at work where they sat then they will say in the front row, and they drive in the fast lane. I also bet if you ask your IT Department, they will say screw you and break into your PC, changing the desktop wallpaper to a photoshop of the boss. Because geeks rule.
See ya'll Thursday!
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