How you know if you had a good Halloween...

4am - Somehow make it to bed. Pass Out. 

11am – Wake up in agony. Use bathroom, drink whatever liquid is on bedside table. Go back to sleep.

Midday – Wake up again. Eat rest of chow mein that was somehow obtained the night before. Go back to sleep.

1pm – Finally get up. Stumble downstairs. First flashbacks of inappropriate behaviour. Spend next hour breathing quietly in the corner. Take first aspirin.

2pm – Consider eating something. Think better of it.

2:30pm – Eat something. Regret it quickly. Spend more time breathing quietly in corner.

3pm – Track down phone. Check for drunken calls, texts and emails that may have been sent.

3:30pm – Firm reminders of inappropriate behaviour return. Breathe quietly in the corner while groaning.

4pm – Regain will to live.

4:30pm – Attempt first cigarette of day. Big mistake. Take two drags, dry heave and stub out. Will to live retreats again.

5pm – Check credit card balance. Pray that nothing was bought online.

5:30pm – Check wallet for cash. Find no notes but a small fortune in change.

6pm – Get phone call to check if you're still alive. When the answer is yes, get surprised answer.

8pm – Finally get enough liquid back in body to urinate. Get cocky and try another cigarette.

9pm – Finally the blood alcohol levels drop down to sane levels. Drive to fast food place and buy as much food as change allows.

10pm – Slink in front of sofa and suffer the affects of fast food. Check poker account to make sure no gambling occurred.

11pm – Go back to bed. Check Facebook on laptop. Loose will to live again.

11:30pm – Beer poo.

12:30am – Try to sleep. Body too broken to even achieve that.

1am – Start playing video games. Big mistake. Start feeling much better.

4am – Realise it is 4am. Feel almost back to full health.

6am – Go to sleep.

10am – Alarm clock goes off as you have to start working. Will to live completely goes.

7pm – Return to scene of crime. Be told of full details. Be surprised you were even allowed back in. Start planning fireworks night party to do it all over again.