- Every Russian athlete is hot. Especially the curling team. Seriously. Wow.
- The speed skaters' thighs defy logic, physics and possibly the laws of God
- If the Winter Olympics is just full of sports that involve sliding, why aren't water slides and those long sheets of plastic that you laid on the lawn as a kid, squirted with washing up liquid and a hose and slid down that broke at least one kids collar bone each summer proper Olympic sports?
- Have I mentioned the speed skaters' thighs?
- Why invite some of the Ice Hockey nations when it is just obvious that they are there to be mocked?
- Since when did it become a part of the Communist party plan to make gymnasts turn into snowboarders? Is it like some form of punishment? "Oh fuck you, you fell of the bars, we are going to strap you to a baking tray and shove you down a steep mountain!"
- I feel morally superior to Shaun White. He may be infinately more talented than me, but I have better hair.
- I want to bobsleigh. Not in the Olympics, just in my day to day life. Also, I want to bobsleigh drunk.
- Curling is slightly erotic. All that sliding about on the ice and grunting. Think about it.
- Figure skating is the best sport ever invented. I couldn't do that shit standing on firm ground, let along skating around on one leg. Also, Brett Favre may be renowned for throwing a football hard but I doubt even he could get a spiral on a fucking person.
- Why don't speed skaters use their blades more constructively? I mean the big juicey acheles tendons of their rivals are there for the stomping
- Double Luge is the most homo-erotic sport ever. Seriously, it's just full of men in lycra laying on top of each other grunting.
- Finally, who in their right mind thinks 'I want to be an Olympian. I know, I'll lay on a baking tray on my front and slide down a mountain at 140kph! GENIUS!'
Friday, 19 February 2010
Things I've Noticed About The Winter Olympics
As anyone following my Twitter feed will know, I've become obsessed with the Winter Olympics. Here are some of my thoughts:
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Are Video Games Art?
First things first, in the interests of fairness yes I am a bit of a geek. Moving swiftly on...
Recently I've been trying not to go out and get blind drunk quite as often as I used to. A bit of it is because the novelty of waking up with a hang over has worn off, a bit of it is financially induced and a bit of it is I tend to be far more productive when I'm not shouting battle cries such as 'Lets go to the funfair! DRUNK DODGE'EMS!'
As a result of that, I've been playing a lot more video games recently. I've always loved them since I was about 6 and broke my leg. As I was housebound all throughout a summer holiday when no doubt my parents were quite looking forward to me going out and adventuring, they bought me a Sega Mega Drive to keep me subdued. Since then, I've been hooked.
In the last few months, I've successfully completed Mass Effect 1 & 2 (well, I completed ME1 years ago but re-played it in anticipation), Assassin's Creed 2 and Kane & Lynch amongst a bevy of others. I've also bought a PlayStation 3 to play through Metal Gear Solid 4 and the impending Heavy Rain.
Playing all these story heavy, well directed and cut scene orientated games has gotten me a-thinking. Are video games a sort of art?
When most people think of trad 'art', they think of paintings, photos, books, movies and music. Video games are still considered much as they were in the 1980's – a form of entertainment and nothing more. But that was in the days of side scrolling games, chip music and cartoon superheroes like Mario and Sonic.
Of course there are video games produced even today which could never ever be considered art – no matter which way you slice it, Crank & Ratchet and Madden 10 are not on a par with The Avatar and The Hurt Locker.
However, there are a new generation of games which could easily be considered art. The latest Metal Gear Solid game with it's 90 minute cinema quality cut scenes, Heavy Rain with it's focus so much on story that it is being marketed as an Alternative Reality Game and Assassin's Creed 2 with it's hugely detailed virtual cities are all hallmarks of blockbuster movies. The character development and relationships chronicled over the Mass Effect series are the same as in any big screen sci-fi epic. The soundtracks are, if anything, even more epic than in movies.
Although not a completely canon point, David Hayter (who voices Snake in the MGS franchise) is even an accomplished script writer.
With the ever increasing cut scene direction, voice acting skill and immersive universes, should modern day video games be considered more art than entertainment?
Well – yes, frankly, they should be. Obviously art in it's purest form will always be hung in a gallery or be hailed at the Oscars, but I really believe that video games these days should be placed on a par with at least movies, books and television. Compared to 'Modern Art' I'd say video games are far superior.
The biggest test, though, will be getting the 'establishment' to accept video games as a genuine medium. I doubt in my lifetime there will be an Oscar handed out for the best video game, judged on scripting, design and cut scenes, nor a serious recognition for the music. But you have to admit – compare MGS4 with half a shark in a tank of formaldehyde or an unmade bed and you tell me which is more artistic?
Recently I've been trying not to go out and get blind drunk quite as often as I used to. A bit of it is because the novelty of waking up with a hang over has worn off, a bit of it is financially induced and a bit of it is I tend to be far more productive when I'm not shouting battle cries such as 'Lets go to the funfair! DRUNK DODGE'EMS!'
As a result of that, I've been playing a lot more video games recently. I've always loved them since I was about 6 and broke my leg. As I was housebound all throughout a summer holiday when no doubt my parents were quite looking forward to me going out and adventuring, they bought me a Sega Mega Drive to keep me subdued. Since then, I've been hooked.
In the last few months, I've successfully completed Mass Effect 1 & 2 (well, I completed ME1 years ago but re-played it in anticipation), Assassin's Creed 2 and Kane & Lynch amongst a bevy of others. I've also bought a PlayStation 3 to play through Metal Gear Solid 4 and the impending Heavy Rain.
Playing all these story heavy, well directed and cut scene orientated games has gotten me a-thinking. Are video games a sort of art?
Coming soon to an art gallery near you, this piece is titled 'Wohoo! A Gold Star!'
When most people think of trad 'art', they think of paintings, photos, books, movies and music. Video games are still considered much as they were in the 1980's – a form of entertainment and nothing more. But that was in the days of side scrolling games, chip music and cartoon superheroes like Mario and Sonic.
Of course there are video games produced even today which could never ever be considered art – no matter which way you slice it, Crank & Ratchet and Madden 10 are not on a par with The Avatar and The Hurt Locker.
However, there are a new generation of games which could easily be considered art. The latest Metal Gear Solid game with it's 90 minute cinema quality cut scenes, Heavy Rain with it's focus so much on story that it is being marketed as an Alternative Reality Game and Assassin's Creed 2 with it's hugely detailed virtual cities are all hallmarks of blockbuster movies. The character development and relationships chronicled over the Mass Effect series are the same as in any big screen sci-fi epic. The soundtracks are, if anything, even more epic than in movies.
Although not a completely canon point, David Hayter (who voices Snake in the MGS franchise) is even an accomplished script writer.
With the ever increasing cut scene direction, voice acting skill and immersive universes, should modern day video games be considered more art than entertainment?
Well – yes, frankly, they should be. Obviously art in it's purest form will always be hung in a gallery or be hailed at the Oscars, but I really believe that video games these days should be placed on a par with at least movies, books and television. Compared to 'Modern Art' I'd say video games are far superior.
The biggest test, though, will be getting the 'establishment' to accept video games as a genuine medium. I doubt in my lifetime there will be an Oscar handed out for the best video game, judged on scripting, design and cut scenes, nor a serious recognition for the music. But you have to admit – compare MGS4 with half a shark in a tank of formaldehyde or an unmade bed and you tell me which is more artistic?
Monday, 15 February 2010
NASCAR Daytona 500 Hour by Hour
As I sometimes do, I recorded my thoughts throughout an event. Here are my thoughts on the Daytona 500...
17:58 – I do love the over the top intro videos that you get on big sporting events.
18:02 – I love the whole patriotism thing you get before the flag as well. You don't get that over here, sadly.
18:05 – I love how in F1, a great race has a lead change on the track. In NASCAR, a great race is a 'Crashfest'.
18:08 – Obligatory Danica Patrick mention #1
18:16 – Only in America do you get commentators plugging beer on air during a race.
18:21 – Boogity Boogity Boogity! Let's go racing!
18:29 – That wasn't long before the first crash, was it?
18:39 – How Juan Pablo Montoya hasn't just spun everyone else out yet is beyond me.
18:46 – I blinked and missed it – what happened to Mark Martin? He was in the lead last I saw...
18:47 – Oh yeah, caution pit stops. I knew that, don't any of you say that I didn't.
18:56 – This is where NASCAR does get a little dull, when nobody is crashing and it's all single file. I mean, I know that is F1 all the time but at least in that you get more interesting circuits.
19:11 – Crash, damn you. 50 laps with one caution is just not good enough. CRASH!!
19:13 – My laptop is running like mud recently. Methinks a spring cleaning is in order tomorrow.
19:22 – Mass pitstops!! Is there a more beautiful sight?
19:29 – Yes – the whole field running close at top speed. Freaking awesome!
19:57 – Why do US sports analysts always tell UK audiences that the race\game\etc. is like some chess match on speed?
20:03 – Oh Dale Jr. “It's fun being that lose, but I don't think it's going to be very productive”
20:10 – CRASH! All I want is one 10 car pile up, is that too much to ask?
20:15 – Popping Tyres. When will people learn drugs and racing don't mix.
20:43 – I go for dinner and find everyone stopped in pit road! WHAT HAPPENED!?
20:45 – The track broke. How the hell does a track break...
20:50 – I love Dale Earnheart Jr. Wise cracks and baseball trivia in race, that is the way to roll.
20:56 – Seriously, how does a track break? I've heard of relaying tarmac overnight but an in race repair? Yikes...
21:28 – Yawn. The guys are now talking about who should QB the Eagles next year. RACE AND CRASH DAMN YOU!
21:43 – Don't get me wrong, I like hearing from all the drivers, but dear lord is it boring. Still, I'm a man and as a man shall see this through to the end.
21:55 – They are getting back in their cars! Woop! I don't care if it will still be 20 minutes or so till the green flag goes, they are getting ready!
22:10 – WE ARE RACING! Fucking finally...
22:20 – Pack racing at 190mph. This is what we want, why not start this race at night if this is the result?
22:26 – I would love to spin a NASCAR car like Allmenginger just did. Looks kick ass fun.
22:41 – So the racing gets good, and the track breaks again. Nice one, NASCAR, way to look competent.
22:44 – Wohoo! Another hole!
22:47 – If they call NASCAR's flagship race because of an asphalt problem on a NASCAR owned track, then they deserve all the stick they get. This is absolutely bleeding ridiculous. Seriously, you would never get the Super Bowl match called off over the pitch, the Monaco GP over a track problem, the World Series over a pitchers mound or the Stanley Cup over an ice problem. Why can't NASCAR get their track sorted for THEIR flagship event?
22:58 – Dear NASCAR Drivers – Yes, I wish that they would just race around it too.
23:18 – RACE DAMN YOU! I WANT TO GO TO BED!
23:23 – Juan Pablo Montoya? More like Juan Porky Montoya AMIRYTE!?
23:26 – That's a good point – why does everyone harp on about Schumacher racing at 41 when Mark Martin does it at 51? I know F1 is very different to NASCAR, but still...
23:28 – The Sky Sports studio guys nearly just kicked seven bells out of each other. Proper Oprah\Brees awkward.
23:42 – Come on, race already! It's been nearly six hours of my life I have dedicated to this! Oh, and crash too. Kthxbai.
23:57 – I've always liked Scott Speed, so here is hoping there is a caution.
00:05 – You get the feeling that this is going to end in one big crash as everyone goes for broke. Or at least, I hope thats what happens.
00:16 – Here we go – shootout time. Can. Not. Wait.
00:22 – Right, let's try that again.
00:25 – So glad I didn't back Khane. Nearly did, though...
00:35 – Well after 6+ hours, well done Jamie McMurray. SLEEEEEEP.
17:58 – I do love the over the top intro videos that you get on big sporting events.
18:02 – I love the whole patriotism thing you get before the flag as well. You don't get that over here, sadly.
18:05 – I love how in F1, a great race has a lead change on the track. In NASCAR, a great race is a 'Crashfest'.
18:08 – Obligatory Danica Patrick mention #1
18:16 – Only in America do you get commentators plugging beer on air during a race.
18:21 – Boogity Boogity Boogity! Let's go racing!
18:29 – That wasn't long before the first crash, was it?
18:39 – How Juan Pablo Montoya hasn't just spun everyone else out yet is beyond me.
18:46 – I blinked and missed it – what happened to Mark Martin? He was in the lead last I saw...
18:47 – Oh yeah, caution pit stops. I knew that, don't any of you say that I didn't.
18:56 – This is where NASCAR does get a little dull, when nobody is crashing and it's all single file. I mean, I know that is F1 all the time but at least in that you get more interesting circuits.
19:11 – Crash, damn you. 50 laps with one caution is just not good enough. CRASH!!
19:13 – My laptop is running like mud recently. Methinks a spring cleaning is in order tomorrow.
19:22 – Mass pitstops!! Is there a more beautiful sight?
19:29 – Yes – the whole field running close at top speed. Freaking awesome!
19:57 – Why do US sports analysts always tell UK audiences that the race\game\etc. is like some chess match on speed?
20:03 – Oh Dale Jr. “It's fun being that lose, but I don't think it's going to be very productive”
20:10 – CRASH! All I want is one 10 car pile up, is that too much to ask?
20:15 – Popping Tyres. When will people learn drugs and racing don't mix.
20:43 – I go for dinner and find everyone stopped in pit road! WHAT HAPPENED!?
20:45 – The track broke. How the hell does a track break...
20:50 – I love Dale Earnheart Jr. Wise cracks and baseball trivia in race, that is the way to roll.
20:56 – Seriously, how does a track break? I've heard of relaying tarmac overnight but an in race repair? Yikes...
21:28 – Yawn. The guys are now talking about who should QB the Eagles next year. RACE AND CRASH DAMN YOU!
21:43 – Don't get me wrong, I like hearing from all the drivers, but dear lord is it boring. Still, I'm a man and as a man shall see this through to the end.
21:55 – They are getting back in their cars! Woop! I don't care if it will still be 20 minutes or so till the green flag goes, they are getting ready!
22:10 – WE ARE RACING! Fucking finally...
22:20 – Pack racing at 190mph. This is what we want, why not start this race at night if this is the result?
22:26 – I would love to spin a NASCAR car like Allmenginger just did. Looks kick ass fun.
22:41 – So the racing gets good, and the track breaks again. Nice one, NASCAR, way to look competent.
22:44 – Wohoo! Another hole!
22:47 – If they call NASCAR's flagship race because of an asphalt problem on a NASCAR owned track, then they deserve all the stick they get. This is absolutely bleeding ridiculous. Seriously, you would never get the Super Bowl match called off over the pitch, the Monaco GP over a track problem, the World Series over a pitchers mound or the Stanley Cup over an ice problem. Why can't NASCAR get their track sorted for THEIR flagship event?
22:58 – Dear NASCAR Drivers – Yes, I wish that they would just race around it too.
23:18 – RACE DAMN YOU! I WANT TO GO TO BED!
23:23 – Juan Pablo Montoya? More like Juan Porky Montoya AMIRYTE!?
23:26 – That's a good point – why does everyone harp on about Schumacher racing at 41 when Mark Martin does it at 51? I know F1 is very different to NASCAR, but still...
23:28 – The Sky Sports studio guys nearly just kicked seven bells out of each other. Proper Oprah\Brees awkward.
23:42 – Come on, race already! It's been nearly six hours of my life I have dedicated to this! Oh, and crash too. Kthxbai.
23:57 – I've always liked Scott Speed, so here is hoping there is a caution.
00:05 – You get the feeling that this is going to end in one big crash as everyone goes for broke. Or at least, I hope thats what happens.
00:16 – Here we go – shootout time. Can. Not. Wait.
00:22 – Right, let's try that again.
00:25 – So glad I didn't back Khane. Nearly did, though...
00:35 – Well after 6+ hours, well done Jamie McMurray. SLEEEEEEP.
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Motor Racing and how it Ruined The Western World
Lets face it, motor sport probably has the most elitist fans in the world. I don't mean that in a bad way, its just that each set of fans will stand up for their own particular discipline of motor sport with the sort of passionate fanboy-dom that is usually reserved for video game consoles and professional wrestling.
Moto GP and Superbike fans will mock those who take to four wheels, drag racers will argue their place atop of the hill due to their lightening quick reactions and rally drivers will consider themselves gods among men for their all terrain racing, despite the fact they never have to overtake anyone. Elsewhere, Formula One will continue to consider itself at the top of the world with a sense of elite pomp while touring car fans will argue that their rough and tumble variety of circuit racing is tops.
One thing, though, is true of pretty much all motor sport fans – they all dump on oval racing. Well, that is unless you are an oval fan to begin with, in which case you obviously think your discipline is tops.
I must admit, I used to be a part of the badwagon that jumped up and down at NASCAR and IndyCar saying that it isn't real racing as you don't turn right. “Oh no, he forgot to turn left!” I used to shout when they crashed, and I used to write oval racing off as boring. I was a true F1 and Touring Car fanboy, I was. Especially the not racing in the rain thing, that annoyed the hell out of me as the best F1 races are often in the wet.
Then, like most sports I'm not a huge fan of, I gave it a go. And I tell you what, it is awesome.
The racing and tempo is obviously a lot different to that of, say an F1 race. In Formula One, the lead may only change one or two times in a race and if you're lucky you might get one or two cars spin off innocently into a gravel trap. In NASCAR, however, you will see the lead change one or two times every ten minutes and seven or eight huge smashes are considered the bare minimum.
The main problem I think that a lot of trad circuit racing fans and oval fans have when trying to cross over to each others style of motor sport is that the philosophies are different. In F1, the aim of the race is to stay in complete control of your vehicle through a whole circuit, holding on to your own position while trying to catch the car in front. The emphasis is just as much on putting together a qualifying lap and nailing strategy as it is on getting your breaking and acceleration points right. Also, there is a huge emphasis on the car as a whole.
In NASCAR, it is proper mayhem, though. You get respites of yellow flag periods, where the race goes under safety car after a crash until the circuit is clear, but the rest of the time it is about running as close to the edge as you can get. You get packs of 40 plus cars all travelling around the 200mph mark, something that is impossible in any other discipline of racing, and then you see it all come to a pause when they crash into each other. Even the pit stops are so much cooler in NASCAR, to the point where the mechanics are often recruited out of college as athletes.
The long and short of this is just this – give other kinds of motor sport a chance. And if you like crashes, and frankly that is the only reason anyone ever watches motor sport, watch NASCAR and feel like a proper Roman.
If you don't know, the Daytona 500 is on Sunday. Check back here after the race for my thoughts. I'll be logging them.
Moto GP and Superbike fans will mock those who take to four wheels, drag racers will argue their place atop of the hill due to their lightening quick reactions and rally drivers will consider themselves gods among men for their all terrain racing, despite the fact they never have to overtake anyone. Elsewhere, Formula One will continue to consider itself at the top of the world with a sense of elite pomp while touring car fans will argue that their rough and tumble variety of circuit racing is tops.
If you like this, chances are you also like prawn sandwiches
One thing, though, is true of pretty much all motor sport fans – they all dump on oval racing. Well, that is unless you are an oval fan to begin with, in which case you obviously think your discipline is tops.
I must admit, I used to be a part of the badwagon that jumped up and down at NASCAR and IndyCar saying that it isn't real racing as you don't turn right. “Oh no, he forgot to turn left!” I used to shout when they crashed, and I used to write oval racing off as boring. I was a true F1 and Touring Car fanboy, I was. Especially the not racing in the rain thing, that annoyed the hell out of me as the best F1 races are often in the wet.
Then, like most sports I'm not a huge fan of, I gave it a go. And I tell you what, it is awesome.
The Colleseum circa 2010
The racing and tempo is obviously a lot different to that of, say an F1 race. In Formula One, the lead may only change one or two times in a race and if you're lucky you might get one or two cars spin off innocently into a gravel trap. In NASCAR, however, you will see the lead change one or two times every ten minutes and seven or eight huge smashes are considered the bare minimum.
The main problem I think that a lot of trad circuit racing fans and oval fans have when trying to cross over to each others style of motor sport is that the philosophies are different. In F1, the aim of the race is to stay in complete control of your vehicle through a whole circuit, holding on to your own position while trying to catch the car in front. The emphasis is just as much on putting together a qualifying lap and nailing strategy as it is on getting your breaking and acceleration points right. Also, there is a huge emphasis on the car as a whole.
In NASCAR, it is proper mayhem, though. You get respites of yellow flag periods, where the race goes under safety car after a crash until the circuit is clear, but the rest of the time it is about running as close to the edge as you can get. You get packs of 40 plus cars all travelling around the 200mph mark, something that is impossible in any other discipline of racing, and then you see it all come to a pause when they crash into each other. Even the pit stops are so much cooler in NASCAR, to the point where the mechanics are often recruited out of college as athletes.
The long and short of this is just this – give other kinds of motor sport a chance. And if you like crashes, and frankly that is the only reason anyone ever watches motor sport, watch NASCAR and feel like a proper Roman.
If you don't know, the Daytona 500 is on Sunday. Check back here after the race for my thoughts. I'll be logging them.
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
From Cage Fighter to Ladyboy Lover in one fould swoop
Oh, you bastard computer, you tried to hide what I wrote on Sunday but I found it! Hazar!
I love Red Top news papers. I love their 'tits and football' approach, I love the fact that according to them anyone who earns more than £25,000 a year is some sort of over paid bigot and I also love the fact and I love the fact that they over react to anything. I especially love the problem pages where people write in asking which of four people they slept with is their baby's father, as if Miriam or Deirdre are psychic. I don't care who you are, reading a Red Top paper is great fun.
At the moment, I'm loving the fun they are having with Katie 'Jordan' Price and Alex Reid. Now, for any of you who don't know who they are, then give them a quick Google. You'll soon find out. The long and short of it, though, is Jordan is a fame hungry glamour girl and Alex Reid is an unspectacular cage fighter she is dragging along for the ride.
Honestly, just read through The Mirror and The Sun's take on those two and you will get the picture of what I'm on about on the whole, but what I find absolutely hilarious is the way that Alex Reid has been described over the 7 odd months he has been in the tabloids.
To begin with, he was just a 'cage fighter', a nice fearsome manly description. Rawr. Then, however, as the press began to snoop around his past and dig up every last little bit of dirt on him, it started to get ridiculous.
First some paper found out from an ex girlfriend that was probably bribed with a page three shoot that he enjoyed cross dressing. Hey, it isn't my cup of tea but if you wish to indulge then fair play. Either way, he then became 'Cross Dressing Cage Figher Alex Reid'. And, oh, how we laughed.
Then came the real coup de grace, so to speak. Some alleged buddy of Reid's sold his story to the paper of how, on a training trip to Thailand to pick up some new kick ass martial arts skills, Reid got off with some ladyboy. Well, the floodgates truly opened then.
The point of this is simple – if you want to go from being a “Cage Fighter” and revered as the sort of man who wanted to be viewed by the general public as the kind of guy who fought bears to “Tranny Loving Cross Dresser” in one foul swoop, date a glamour girl.
I love Red Top news papers. I love their 'tits and football' approach, I love the fact that according to them anyone who earns more than £25,000 a year is some sort of over paid bigot and I also love the fact and I love the fact that they over react to anything. I especially love the problem pages where people write in asking which of four people they slept with is their baby's father, as if Miriam or Deirdre are psychic. I don't care who you are, reading a Red Top paper is great fun.
At the moment, I'm loving the fun they are having with Katie 'Jordan' Price and Alex Reid. Now, for any of you who don't know who they are, then give them a quick Google. You'll soon find out. The long and short of it, though, is Jordan is a fame hungry glamour girl and Alex Reid is an unspectacular cage fighter she is dragging along for the ride.
Honestly, just read through The Mirror and The Sun's take on those two and you will get the picture of what I'm on about on the whole, but what I find absolutely hilarious is the way that Alex Reid has been described over the 7 odd months he has been in the tabloids.
To begin with, he was just a 'cage fighter', a nice fearsome manly description. Rawr. Then, however, as the press began to snoop around his past and dig up every last little bit of dirt on him, it started to get ridiculous.
First some paper found out from an ex girlfriend that was probably bribed with a page three shoot that he enjoyed cross dressing. Hey, it isn't my cup of tea but if you wish to indulge then fair play. Either way, he then became 'Cross Dressing Cage Figher Alex Reid'. And, oh, how we laughed.
Then came the real coup de grace, so to speak. Some alleged buddy of Reid's sold his story to the paper of how, on a training trip to Thailand to pick up some new kick ass martial arts skills, Reid got off with some ladyboy. Well, the floodgates truly opened then.
The point of this is simple – if you want to go from being a “Cage Fighter” and revered as the sort of man who wanted to be viewed by the general public as the kind of guy who fought bears to “Tranny Loving Cross Dresser” in one foul swoop, date a glamour girl.
Sunday, 7 February 2010
I hate you, you stupid bloody computer!
Oh, you think you're real smart, huh? Freezing just as I'm trying to save a blog update? You think you will make me write it all out again, do ya? Well no deal, buster. I'm just going to wing it.
Usually, whenever I update here, I'll write it in Open Office then just copy and paste it across. I'm weird like that, as despite the fact that Blogger gives me lots of nice tools to play with here, I'll entrust my computer with the data first. Today, that turned out to be one big royal fucking mistake.
I admit it, maybe I should have saved it more often. Maybe I shouldn't have written a page and a half before hitting Ctrl + S. Maybe I should have saved it as soon as I opened it. After all, as my old music tech teacher used to preach to us, 'Jesus Saves'. Oh well, it doesn't really matter. You've been toying with me all week, you dumb computer, running like mud. Then when I try to de-frag you, you tell me nothing is wrong and everything is hunky dory. You tell me that you haven't got a care in the world and everything is just a-okay.
I don't care. I will take you a fucking part if you test me again, you hear me? I know you can hear me, Mr Computer, and I know you are reading everything I'm typing! Mark my words, buddy, I know where you sleep and I will put you in the bath tub if you do that again!
TL:DR - My computer is a bastard.
P.S. SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL
Usually, whenever I update here, I'll write it in Open Office then just copy and paste it across. I'm weird like that, as despite the fact that Blogger gives me lots of nice tools to play with here, I'll entrust my computer with the data first. Today, that turned out to be one big royal fucking mistake.
I admit it, maybe I should have saved it more often. Maybe I shouldn't have written a page and a half before hitting Ctrl + S. Maybe I should have saved it as soon as I opened it. After all, as my old music tech teacher used to preach to us, 'Jesus Saves'. Oh well, it doesn't really matter. You've been toying with me all week, you dumb computer, running like mud. Then when I try to de-frag you, you tell me nothing is wrong and everything is hunky dory. You tell me that you haven't got a care in the world and everything is just a-okay.
I don't care. I will take you a fucking part if you test me again, you hear me? I know you can hear me, Mr Computer, and I know you are reading everything I'm typing! Mark my words, buddy, I know where you sleep and I will put you in the bath tub if you do that again!
TL:DR - My computer is a bastard.
P.S. SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
Man Math and How It Made My Bank Manager Cry
Sorry about going AWOL. I promise it is nothing personal. Just I very rarely have the chance to throw myself into projects with very few distractions. I'm afraid that even this for that period was deemed one. However, I'm now back and I think the up coming plans could be quite exciting.
Oh, and before we start, if you want to see my breakdown of the Super Bowl and what you should be betting on, click here.
Anyway, to business?
To quote perhaps the greatest human being to ever live, Stan Smith from American Dad, I've been doing a lot of man math recently. All of us red blooded, hairy chested and slack jawed men love doing man math. We all know what it is. But for any womenfolk out there, let me explain the principals of man math.
Man math is where you use absolutely ridiculous justifications to talk yourself into buying shit you do not need and maybe only marginally want. You see a shirt you sort of want on a whim but can't quite afford? Man math says buy it and tell yourself that you wont get blind stinking drunk on Friday. Say you browse through the DVD box set bin at some high street store and see a few series of some show you've caught once or twice and sort of found interesting? You tell yourself you will save money at the weekend staying in to watch it and so buy it. You sort of see where I'm going with this – rather than save up and buy stuff, you use justifications you will never see through to just buy it as you're there.
I did some excellent man math today. I really want a PS3 because I am probably the only person I know not to have played MGS4 and desperately want Heavy Rain when it comes out at the end of this month. So, off to town I went. That was probably my first mistake.
Well, technically I suppose I went to two towns. The first I went to I thought had both a GameStation and a Game, plus is easier to park up and the like. Except when I meandered through the shopping centre, the GameStation is closed. Awesome, where the hell was I meant to get a pre-owned PS3 now? Anyway, I pushed it into the back as my mind as I left the house telling myself over and over and over and over once more that I was just checking out prices, not purchasing. Because of that it didn't matter if I couldn't scope out prices. So I just picked up Mass Effect 2 for the Xbox 360 and went to head home defeated.
That lasted for about seven seconds. I of course headed straight to another shopping centre.
Anyway, you can see where this is going. My quick “lets pop out and maybe get an Xbox 360 game, scope out places to get a decent cheap second hand PS3” quickly turned into “lets spend £245 on some rainy Tuesday afternoon.”
The man math behind it? Well, I have a few more invoices coming in over the next few days and I'll be staying in this weekend to play with my new toy. I will keep telling myself this over and over and over until I believe it, then be found drunk as a skunk at some bar on Friday. Good times!
Oh, and before we start, if you want to see my breakdown of the Super Bowl and what you should be betting on, click here.
Anyway, to business?
To quote perhaps the greatest human being to ever live, Stan Smith from American Dad, I've been doing a lot of man math recently. All of us red blooded, hairy chested and slack jawed men love doing man math. We all know what it is. But for any womenfolk out there, let me explain the principals of man math.
The inventor of Man Math, also a man who should be captioned with the world 'derp'
Man math is where you use absolutely ridiculous justifications to talk yourself into buying shit you do not need and maybe only marginally want. You see a shirt you sort of want on a whim but can't quite afford? Man math says buy it and tell yourself that you wont get blind stinking drunk on Friday. Say you browse through the DVD box set bin at some high street store and see a few series of some show you've caught once or twice and sort of found interesting? You tell yourself you will save money at the weekend staying in to watch it and so buy it. You sort of see where I'm going with this – rather than save up and buy stuff, you use justifications you will never see through to just buy it as you're there.
I did some excellent man math today. I really want a PS3 because I am probably the only person I know not to have played MGS4 and desperately want Heavy Rain when it comes out at the end of this month. So, off to town I went. That was probably my first mistake.
Well, technically I suppose I went to two towns. The first I went to I thought had both a GameStation and a Game, plus is easier to park up and the like. Except when I meandered through the shopping centre, the GameStation is closed. Awesome, where the hell was I meant to get a pre-owned PS3 now? Anyway, I pushed it into the back as my mind as I left the house telling myself over and over and over and over once more that I was just checking out prices, not purchasing. Because of that it didn't matter if I couldn't scope out prices. So I just picked up Mass Effect 2 for the Xbox 360 and went to head home defeated.
That lasted for about seven seconds. I of course headed straight to another shopping centre.
Anyway, you can see where this is going. My quick “lets pop out and maybe get an Xbox 360 game, scope out places to get a decent cheap second hand PS3” quickly turned into “lets spend £245 on some rainy Tuesday afternoon.”
The man math behind it? Well, I have a few more invoices coming in over the next few days and I'll be staying in this weekend to play with my new toy. I will keep telling myself this over and over and over until I believe it, then be found drunk as a skunk at some bar on Friday. Good times!
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