Once more no OC for you guys as I've been just ridiculously busy recently getting some new projects off the ground. One of them is my new F1 blog, www.TheBlackStuff.co.uk
Go There.....now... GO!
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Monday, 1 March 2010
Introducing: Red Top News
No formal update for Sunday (Well, I say Sunday... I mean Monday, as I had a gig in Bournemouth last night. I can exclusively reveal that the M3 is the dullest motorway in history, although I digress...)
Instead, I am here to show you all a brand new blog - Red Top News. Satire, Scandal, News and Sports all in one place. Check it out, you won't regret it. I promise. Pinky swear...
Instead, I am here to show you all a brand new blog - Red Top News. Satire, Scandal, News and Sports all in one place. Check it out, you won't regret it. I promise. Pinky swear...
Friday, 26 February 2010
Odd Ideas That My Brain Comes Up With...
As anyone who follows my Twitter feed will attest to, I have some really frigging odd thoughts at times. I mean, the main reason I have a Twitter feed isn't to tell the world my activity each and every fucking second of the day, oh no, it's just as a place to jot down all the odd little thoughts that pop into my brain as the day goes by.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I have a batshit crazy idea that I can't express in just 140 characters. Mostly, they are book and short story ideas (or as I call them, 'stuff I whore to publishers that never gets picked up') but here is a collection of some of my stranger ideas.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I have a batshit crazy idea that I can't express in just 140 characters. Mostly, they are book and short story ideas (or as I call them, 'stuff I whore to publishers that never gets picked up') but here is a collection of some of my stranger ideas.
- I want to write a comedy book about a nuclear explosion from the perspective of a bunny who nibbled through the wires and set it off. Imagine it - it would be epic. Everyone convinced that some rougue nation would be the one to set a nuclear bomb off, and instead it's just a rabbit.
- I want to write a sitcom about a group of students, except whenever I try I just make the characters stereotypes of some of my friends. And, the thing is, should I ever get round to piloting the thing they would all be like "dude, that is so obviously me! Fuck you!"
- Is it weird to want to change me name to, like, Justin Time or Barry Cade and just write a journal of what people say to me in response to my name? Although I would need to obtain fake ID for that, as I'm sure people would want proof and I doubt writing it in my underpants would be enough. Also, I am NOT changing my name by depol to Barry fucking Cade, alright?
- Finally, I'm not entirely sure if I should know this, but the computer graphic for POD on the BBC 3 makeover show 'Snog, Marry, Avoid' is the exact same graphic as the one ESPN use for their world famous SportsCenter logo. You know the one, the red dot with the lenses focusing around it? Yeah, you know the one. Anyway, they are the same. And I want to know what would happen if the two of them changed places for a day. Would POD start doing a Tony Kornheiser on the SportsCenter crew? Would the SportsCenter graphic tell Bianca Gascgoine about baseball? Oooooh the possibilities!
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Hot Curlers
I'm still obsessed with curling. Obsessed with curling and very, very hung over. Therefore, have some pictures of curlers and be happy.
Sunday, 21 February 2010
I am still totally obsessed with the Winter Olympics...
I want to learn how to either do Ski Cross or Snowboard Cross... preferably Ski Cross. Basically I want to race down a mountain with sticks, duelling along the way. Or, perhaps, I'll learn to bobsleigh. As a no-year no claims bonus will attest to, I'm a damn good driver and as I'm also a pretty big guy, I'm sure I could give it a decent push. I helped push start my dad's car once. One time, I was also part of a gang that stole my mate's Vauxhall Nova by just picking it up and walking off with it, although that is entirely a different story.
I wouldn't mind giving curling a go as well, purely to get to shout and slide a lot. Oh, and hang out with female curlers. They look awesome. It appears that (German curlers excluded) to be a female curler, you have to either be some saucy little minx or some kinky MILF.
One sport I could never, ever do, though, is cross country skiing. Seriously, those guys are defective in the head. Have you seen them at the finish line? It is the only sport I can think of where absolutely everyone who crosses the finish line collapses on site. No exceptions. It is absolutely bonkers.
I couldn't do speed skating either, as I'd feel self conscious in all that lycra, bent over. It just isn't natural. Plus, I'm not Korean and from what I've seen that is a major disadvantage. Figure skating, too, is out for me. I do not have an ounce of agility in me. Seriously, have you seen those guys and gals? They defy the laws of physics on a regular basis. I also can't do Ice Hockey as I have an aversion to being punched in the face by angry Canadians.
TL:DR – Yes, I am still utterly obsessed with the Winter Olympics and my Twitter feed is still just one giant monument to the glory that is sliding down a mountain as fast as possible.
I wouldn't mind giving curling a go as well, purely to get to shout and slide a lot. Oh, and hang out with female curlers. They look awesome. It appears that (German curlers excluded) to be a female curler, you have to either be some saucy little minx or some kinky MILF.
I want to slide down the ice with these people, if you know what I mean...
One sport I could never, ever do, though, is cross country skiing. Seriously, those guys are defective in the head. Have you seen them at the finish line? It is the only sport I can think of where absolutely everyone who crosses the finish line collapses on site. No exceptions. It is absolutely bonkers.
I couldn't do speed skating either, as I'd feel self conscious in all that lycra, bent over. It just isn't natural. Plus, I'm not Korean and from what I've seen that is a major disadvantage. Figure skating, too, is out for me. I do not have an ounce of agility in me. Seriously, have you seen those guys and gals? They defy the laws of physics on a regular basis. I also can't do Ice Hockey as I have an aversion to being punched in the face by angry Canadians.
TL:DR – Yes, I am still utterly obsessed with the Winter Olympics and my Twitter feed is still just one giant monument to the glory that is sliding down a mountain as fast as possible.
Friday, 19 February 2010
Things I've Noticed About The Winter Olympics
As anyone following my Twitter feed will know, I've become obsessed with the Winter Olympics. Here are some of my thoughts:
- Every Russian athlete is hot. Especially the curling team. Seriously. Wow.
- The speed skaters' thighs defy logic, physics and possibly the laws of God
- If the Winter Olympics is just full of sports that involve sliding, why aren't water slides and those long sheets of plastic that you laid on the lawn as a kid, squirted with washing up liquid and a hose and slid down that broke at least one kids collar bone each summer proper Olympic sports?
- Have I mentioned the speed skaters' thighs?
- Why invite some of the Ice Hockey nations when it is just obvious that they are there to be mocked?
- Since when did it become a part of the Communist party plan to make gymnasts turn into snowboarders? Is it like some form of punishment? "Oh fuck you, you fell of the bars, we are going to strap you to a baking tray and shove you down a steep mountain!"
- I feel morally superior to Shaun White. He may be infinately more talented than me, but I have better hair.
- I want to bobsleigh. Not in the Olympics, just in my day to day life. Also, I want to bobsleigh drunk.
- Curling is slightly erotic. All that sliding about on the ice and grunting. Think about it.
- Figure skating is the best sport ever invented. I couldn't do that shit standing on firm ground, let along skating around on one leg. Also, Brett Favre may be renowned for throwing a football hard but I doubt even he could get a spiral on a fucking person.
- Why don't speed skaters use their blades more constructively? I mean the big juicey acheles tendons of their rivals are there for the stomping
- Double Luge is the most homo-erotic sport ever. Seriously, it's just full of men in lycra laying on top of each other grunting.
- Finally, who in their right mind thinks 'I want to be an Olympian. I know, I'll lay on a baking tray on my front and slide down a mountain at 140kph! GENIUS!'
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Are Video Games Art?
First things first, in the interests of fairness yes I am a bit of a geek. Moving swiftly on...
Recently I've been trying not to go out and get blind drunk quite as often as I used to. A bit of it is because the novelty of waking up with a hang over has worn off, a bit of it is financially induced and a bit of it is I tend to be far more productive when I'm not shouting battle cries such as 'Lets go to the funfair! DRUNK DODGE'EMS!'
As a result of that, I've been playing a lot more video games recently. I've always loved them since I was about 6 and broke my leg. As I was housebound all throughout a summer holiday when no doubt my parents were quite looking forward to me going out and adventuring, they bought me a Sega Mega Drive to keep me subdued. Since then, I've been hooked.
In the last few months, I've successfully completed Mass Effect 1 & 2 (well, I completed ME1 years ago but re-played it in anticipation), Assassin's Creed 2 and Kane & Lynch amongst a bevy of others. I've also bought a PlayStation 3 to play through Metal Gear Solid 4 and the impending Heavy Rain.
Playing all these story heavy, well directed and cut scene orientated games has gotten me a-thinking. Are video games a sort of art?
When most people think of trad 'art', they think of paintings, photos, books, movies and music. Video games are still considered much as they were in the 1980's – a form of entertainment and nothing more. But that was in the days of side scrolling games, chip music and cartoon superheroes like Mario and Sonic.
Of course there are video games produced even today which could never ever be considered art – no matter which way you slice it, Crank & Ratchet and Madden 10 are not on a par with The Avatar and The Hurt Locker.
However, there are a new generation of games which could easily be considered art. The latest Metal Gear Solid game with it's 90 minute cinema quality cut scenes, Heavy Rain with it's focus so much on story that it is being marketed as an Alternative Reality Game and Assassin's Creed 2 with it's hugely detailed virtual cities are all hallmarks of blockbuster movies. The character development and relationships chronicled over the Mass Effect series are the same as in any big screen sci-fi epic. The soundtracks are, if anything, even more epic than in movies.
Although not a completely canon point, David Hayter (who voices Snake in the MGS franchise) is even an accomplished script writer.
With the ever increasing cut scene direction, voice acting skill and immersive universes, should modern day video games be considered more art than entertainment?
Well – yes, frankly, they should be. Obviously art in it's purest form will always be hung in a gallery or be hailed at the Oscars, but I really believe that video games these days should be placed on a par with at least movies, books and television. Compared to 'Modern Art' I'd say video games are far superior.
The biggest test, though, will be getting the 'establishment' to accept video games as a genuine medium. I doubt in my lifetime there will be an Oscar handed out for the best video game, judged on scripting, design and cut scenes, nor a serious recognition for the music. But you have to admit – compare MGS4 with half a shark in a tank of formaldehyde or an unmade bed and you tell me which is more artistic?
Recently I've been trying not to go out and get blind drunk quite as often as I used to. A bit of it is because the novelty of waking up with a hang over has worn off, a bit of it is financially induced and a bit of it is I tend to be far more productive when I'm not shouting battle cries such as 'Lets go to the funfair! DRUNK DODGE'EMS!'
As a result of that, I've been playing a lot more video games recently. I've always loved them since I was about 6 and broke my leg. As I was housebound all throughout a summer holiday when no doubt my parents were quite looking forward to me going out and adventuring, they bought me a Sega Mega Drive to keep me subdued. Since then, I've been hooked.
In the last few months, I've successfully completed Mass Effect 1 & 2 (well, I completed ME1 years ago but re-played it in anticipation), Assassin's Creed 2 and Kane & Lynch amongst a bevy of others. I've also bought a PlayStation 3 to play through Metal Gear Solid 4 and the impending Heavy Rain.
Playing all these story heavy, well directed and cut scene orientated games has gotten me a-thinking. Are video games a sort of art?
Coming soon to an art gallery near you, this piece is titled 'Wohoo! A Gold Star!'
When most people think of trad 'art', they think of paintings, photos, books, movies and music. Video games are still considered much as they were in the 1980's – a form of entertainment and nothing more. But that was in the days of side scrolling games, chip music and cartoon superheroes like Mario and Sonic.
Of course there are video games produced even today which could never ever be considered art – no matter which way you slice it, Crank & Ratchet and Madden 10 are not on a par with The Avatar and The Hurt Locker.
However, there are a new generation of games which could easily be considered art. The latest Metal Gear Solid game with it's 90 minute cinema quality cut scenes, Heavy Rain with it's focus so much on story that it is being marketed as an Alternative Reality Game and Assassin's Creed 2 with it's hugely detailed virtual cities are all hallmarks of blockbuster movies. The character development and relationships chronicled over the Mass Effect series are the same as in any big screen sci-fi epic. The soundtracks are, if anything, even more epic than in movies.
Although not a completely canon point, David Hayter (who voices Snake in the MGS franchise) is even an accomplished script writer.
With the ever increasing cut scene direction, voice acting skill and immersive universes, should modern day video games be considered more art than entertainment?
Well – yes, frankly, they should be. Obviously art in it's purest form will always be hung in a gallery or be hailed at the Oscars, but I really believe that video games these days should be placed on a par with at least movies, books and television. Compared to 'Modern Art' I'd say video games are far superior.
The biggest test, though, will be getting the 'establishment' to accept video games as a genuine medium. I doubt in my lifetime there will be an Oscar handed out for the best video game, judged on scripting, design and cut scenes, nor a serious recognition for the music. But you have to admit – compare MGS4 with half a shark in a tank of formaldehyde or an unmade bed and you tell me which is more artistic?
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