Blow by Blow of a crap weekend...

Friday

11:00 – Wake up with hangover

12:00 – Make it downstairs, attempt to work

16:30 – Give up for a bit, try to beat brain into action. Order Pizza

17:00 – Think you finish working for a short Friday. Eat Pizza.

18:00 – Realise you have another job to do. Get indigestion.

20:00 – Finally finish working, start driving to Cambridgeshire

22:00 – Realise the E14 is closed, do 4 junction detour back down the M11

23:30 – Finally get back on track

23:45 – Get pulled over for speeding. Although not getting ticket, get mocked by hot policewoman for not having a criminal record.

00:00 – Finally reach destination.

02:00 – Bed. Sleep.

Saturday

05:00 – Get woken up and get into van.

06:30 – Stop at service station for chocolate and Ribena. Buy copy of The Sun as, frankly, a white van has to have one.

08:15 – Get to flat. Start moving lots of heavy things downstairs out and in to van.

11:00 – Finally finish. Start drive to new flat location.

12:30 – Get to new flat location. Find out that we got there before the person who we are helping move because they stopped for lunch.

13:00 – Person who was the most hated in the world redeems themselves by bringing sausage rolls and cakes.

13:30 – Start unloading truck full off stuff. Double the stairs as before and a time deadline.

14:30 – Work at full pace non stop for an hour. Rain starts.

15:30 – Finally finish dumping boxes, furniture and other miscellaneous crap in flat.  No time to hang around as van has to get back

16:45 – After mad dash, get van back

17:00 – Think day is done. No chance, get phone call saying shopping must be done.

17:30 – Finish getting shopping. Finally head back to house.

20:00 – After getting back, find that toddler needs looking after. Play with energetic infant for few hours.

21:30 – Dinner. Nice.

23:00 – Finally pass out through exhaustion.

Sunday

10:00 – Wake up but steadfast refuse to get up before 11am

11:00 – Get up.

11:05 – Get burdened with energetic toddler again.

12:15 – Start driving back home towards London.

13:45 – Get stuck in M25 traffic.

14:00 – Get stuck in M25 traffic.

15:00 -– Get stuck in M25 traffic.

16:00 -– Get stuck in M25 traffic.

17:00 – Get stuck in M25 traffic.

18:00 – Make it home! Realise that Monday morning deadline jobs need to be done. Consider working.

18:20 – Post unfunny blog post