I am still totally obsessed with the Winter Olympics...

I want to learn how to either do Ski Cross or Snowboard Cross... preferably Ski Cross. Basically I want to race down a mountain with sticks, duelling along the way.  Or, perhaps, I'll learn to bobsleigh. As a no-year no claims bonus will attest to, I'm a damn good driver and as I'm also a pretty big guy, I'm sure I could give it a decent push. I helped push start my dad's car once. One time, I was also part of a gang that stole my mate's Vauxhall Nova by just picking it up and walking off with it, although that is entirely a different story.

I wouldn't mind giving curling a go as well, purely to get to shout and slide a lot. Oh, and hang out with female curlers. They look awesome. It appears that (German curlers excluded) to be a female curler, you have to either be some saucy little minx or some kinky MILF.

 

I want to slide down the ice with these people, if you know what I mean...

One sport I could never, ever do, though, is cross country skiing. Seriously, those guys are defective in the head. Have you seen them at the finish line? It is the only sport I can think of where absolutely everyone who crosses the finish line collapses on site. No exceptions. It is absolutely bonkers.

I couldn't do speed skating either, as I'd feel self conscious in all that lycra, bent over. It just isn't natural. Plus, I'm not Korean and from what I've seen that is a major disadvantage. Figure skating, too, is out for me. I do not have an ounce of agility in me. Seriously, have you seen those guys and gals? They defy the laws of physics on a regular basis. I also can't do Ice Hockey as I have an aversion to being punched in the face by angry Canadians.

TL:DR – Yes, I am still utterly obsessed with the Winter Olympics and my Twitter feed is still just one giant monument to the glory that is sliding down a mountain as fast as possible.